I get into these funks where I’m not answering the phone. Not because I don’t want to, exactly, but because I just feel like I don’t have the energy to talk to anyone or to think about anything.
This year I am operating at the edge of my ability to maintain structural integrity, and sometimes it feels like one more conversation and the whole thing will blow up. I don’t know what blow up means in this context, so no point asking.
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I don’t even know what to post here. All night I’ve been having fragments of posts and the impulse to post float through my head. Now that I’m here at a screen typing, all I want is to get away from it.
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I don’t know exactly what’s wrong, but something’s wrong. Something needs to be addressed. You feel isolated but you won’t talk to your friends. You feel unheard but you don’t want to express yourself. You feel stuck but you don’t want to change anything.
I don’t know what that is. I’m sure there’s a psychologist or ten who would have a name for it. I’m also sure their advice would just irritate the f**k out of me rather than helping at all.