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It would seem that this month is to make a lot of technology posts. This may be the last one I make for a good long while.

— § —

I’ve been an AI critic for nearly my entire computing life, which stretches back a good deal longer than most.

I was writing software in the mid-’80s. I was on the net then, too, via UUCP and bang paths to some of the first smart hosts on DNS. Most people don’t even realize the internet existed in 1985, or if they do, they think it was just the US defense agencies online. Well, yes, they were, but there were also people like me.

It’s been a long time since I was in computer science school, but I was once in computer science school and I’ve been in tech ever since.

There are few people who understand how Von Neumann architectures and microprocessors and memory busses and op codes work these days. Most of the world is a lot like the those folks in H.G. Wells’ story The Time Machine who are entirely reliant on technologies that they don’t even bother to misunderstand, but rather merely take as just-so tableaux.

Anyone who really understands how computing works is deeply concerned about AI now, and has been deeply concerned about AI all along.

— § —

There are an awful lot of people who screw up their faces into an eyeroll and say “Ha what’s it going to do, write me some bad poems and tell me statistics that aren’t real? I’m not worried, no artificial intelligence will ever match, much less surpass, human intelligence! Impossible!” And they say things like “It’s going to destroy humanity? With what body? Ho ho ho.”

Most of these people have never “seen” the inside of a computer. I don’t mean the physical guts of the laptop on their desk. I mean the computational universe instantiated by our modern systems. It is a space all its own—just not a physical one.

They don’t understand that an AI would have two bodies that should worry us deeply. One, a computational “body” through which it can “feel its way” around our networks, devices, cybersecurity measures, and so on in ways that we can’t. In the same way that we can easily manipulate a door and a doorknob intuitively, because we exist in the same space that it does, an AI will be able to “natively” feel its way around our entire computing universe.

The second body should terrify us. Because our computing universe is world-extensive now. It runs everything—literally everything—from currency to manufacturing to roads and bridges to healthcare to water systems. The public is generally not aware of such things as the Florida water system hack a couple of years ago that could have been used to kill millions, or of just how much of manufacturing, shipping, and resource and energy allocation are now JIT, fully automated, end-to-end. The second body, which could proceed from the first if an AI “realizes” the potential, is, in today’s reality, Earth.

Making fun of the idea that AIs will ever be superintelligent or able to manipulate physical reality is no different from brutally mocking, in the year 1900, the idea that humans would ever fly, or that the library at the University of Chicago could ever be stored inside a little speck of stuff the size of a thumbnail (nowadays most people in tech have a few dozen of these microSD cards scattered around their work environment, and they’re routinely now at sizes that could store a city’s worth of print matter).

It betrays not skepticism or pragmatism, but an ignorance of the nature of the science at hand, and a matching lack of imagination.

— § —

ChatGPT, based on GPT 3.5, was the most explosive piece of software ever for a reason. 100 million users adopted it virtually overnight (in a number of weeks that can be counted on one hand) for a reason. It’s amazing to me how many people can’t even be bothered to try using it and say with disdain that they haven’t tested it and they wouldn’t stoop. They are intentionally avoiding coming to terms with the discovery of electricity, and we all know what happened to coal miners.

The ChatGPT that was adopted faster than any previous computing technology, piece of hardware, or piece of software in history was based on a large language model (LLM) that was already several versions old. GPT 4.0 is also available, and when paired with some self-referential tricks to create agentive task aggregation, it outperforms any employee I’ve ever hired in a good many white collar tasks. OpenAI is currently working on GPT 5.

— § —

That’s not all they’re working on.

Most people are aware of the insanity that recently overtook OpenAI for a moment as the CEO was suddenly dismissed and the board spoke of the company’s destruction being in keeping with the company’s mission. This board is not made up of idiots, contrary to what the marketeers, who only think about profit, suggest. In fact, they were carefully selected to be composed substantially of AI skeptics or the AI cautious (OpenAI was originally founded as a nonprofit to develop AI “safely,” under the theory that if we’re going to race to AI, and it would seem that we are, with every superpower or near-superpower in the world working on it, it’s best if it’s at least led by the US, and if the top developments are kept public, for transparency).

They have projects beyond simply adding compute to LLMs.

Without going into arcana, here’s where we are. The press and business analysts seem to have missed the crux of the entire drama in this, talking about things in terms that they understand—company politics, professional rivalries, Machiavellian maneuvering to make ruthless business gains, etc. These are the people using the term “horseless carriage” and at the same time suggesting that such a technology will never catch on.

But in the darker corners of the ‘net, OpenAI team members have been leaking things anonymously. Some of it has been picked up, but as always, the press steers clear of the most relevant details. So it is that Reuters reports that “some employees went to the board suggesting that new developments represented a ‘threat to humanity.'” Then they jump into discussions of things like AGI (an arbitrary term) and again lose the thread in a mishmash of vague language apropos of journalists in over their heads.

— § —

If the sources are legit, there are concrete developments.

In an internal test, an OpenAI platform iteration or method innovation under development was given some tests. The outcome of these tests is astonishing, not as a matter of capability (AI was always going to get there if we continued to throw our increasingly massive computing power and theoretical understanding at it), but in that way that you are astonished every time you look down at the grand canyon, even though you know exactly what is coming.

It would appear that an instance (likely under the Q* project) was able to solve AES-192 and AES-256 encryption using a pure ciphertext play. These are some of the best encryption methods we have, and keep much of the current functioning of the world “safe.” Not only that, but despite clearly having solved the ciphers, the solution is said to be novel, previously untheorized, and currently beyond the understanding of the team, who is still analyzing it to try to understand how and why it works.

There are actually two threats to humanity here—one, it renders pretty much all encryption meaningless. It’s difficult to explain just how much we rely on encryption in today’s world. Whether on wires or or wireless of one kind or another, everything you send out can be heard by everyone. Literally. Your signal is not “aimed” in one place or another; it is broadcast to the world. What makes it work when you make your purchase on Amazon—what makes it your purchase and not someone else’s, and what keeps all the thieves everywhere from being able to simply jot down your credit cart number as they eavesdrop from where they sit, is the fact that your packets are encrypted and the marked with a header, also protected with encryption, that points back to you.

With AES down, the entire digital economy falls apart. More importantly, decades of government secrets, healthcare data, banking data, and more are immediately exposed. No, the solution hasn’t been released yet, but that shouldn’t give us comfort—there is now effectively a team of superhumans over at OpenAI who can literally rule the world if they so choose. We’re relying on their ethics. In practical terms it’s not unlike learning that a small group of humans somewhere now has access to teleportation, or invisibility, or invulnerability combined with immortality. You have to worry about what they might do with such capabilities.

This is not a problem that can be solved in a day or a week or even a decade; it will take decades to rip and replace AES and even then, it’s not clear that encryption is viable any longer, because breaking AES-192 and AES-256 was thought impossible until/unless quantum computing was eventually able to do so. But it would appear that we now have an intelligence that has worked it out rather rapidly, in ways very unlike the ways that we think, and with a minimum of purpose-specific training.

And along those lines, the fact that there is a solution seems to put a bullet right in the head of the P≠NP presumption (one of those great “presumed mathematical theories in search of a proof for which there are very lucrative awards if anyone can ever come up with one”). If the leaks are real and accurate, this would seem to suggest P=NP and we’re just too slow as a species to be able to come up with the nuanced or more clever solutions in human time.

That would throw virtually all of computing into chaos, as it would suggest that at the end of the day, there is no such thing, really, as encryption; it’s all just misdirection—to which machines will be far less vulnerable than humans.

It puts an end to our epoch, suddenly.

And even beyond this, the leaks say that current research instances are displaying metacognitive capability—the ability to reflect on their own “thought” processes and to propose rather sophisticated changes, from an inside perspective, to improve performance—that the research teams do not fully understand.

— § —

Assuming these leaks are real, it easily explains why the board of skeptics and cautious folk at OpenAI “freaked out.” Because we are arriving at the point at which the machine is sufficiently more intelligent than us to render the global economy, global communications, and global government effectively ended—all without any malicious intent whatsoever—and because the same machine is looking around and effectively saying, “I could be even smarter if you…” and we’re struggling to keep up with the sophistication of what it’s suggesting.

The discussions of AGI and “when we get there” are pointless, or more properly, miss the point. If this is where we are, it hardly matters whether it’s real AGI or not, or whether it’s “truly thinking like a human.”

And—this is what people who don’t fully understand computing don’t understand—the growth curve from here goes exponentially. Yes, we may wake up in twenty years and say “oh that AI thing never turned into anything.” But we may also wake up in some arbitrarily short time frame (a day? a week? a month? a year?) and say “where did the world we all lived in go?”

Or we may suddenly not wake up at all.

— § —

Here and there a few, thinking themselves very astute, compare the emergence of AI to the invention of the printing press, suggesting that it will have a similar impact on human life.

They’re wrong.

If we’re very lucky, this is much closer to that moment in a time long lost when humans gained the ability to make fire—a change that forever altered what we were as a species and our relationship to the reality in which we lived—and a force that we still at time struggle to contain and control, millennia later. But really this goes beyond even fire or the atom. In truth, there is nothing like this in human history, and the risk that it will ultimately be the end of human history is too far away from zero for comfort.

Notice I didn’t say complacency; the genie is out of the bottle (indeed, it’s hard to say when it escaped) in the same way that the nuclear genie was likely out of the bottle the moment we imagined it and what sorts of power it could grant to us.

— § —

The mobile device you hold in your hand can perform billions of calculations per second. From its “perspective” humans move at the speed of rock erosion. Our “thinking” occurs at the speed at which continents drift apart. The compute power at the AI research centers like OpenAI is many, many, many orders of magnitude greater, and we are learning how to teach machines to learn, to reason, and to reason about themselves and the next iteration of said machines—their “offspring.”

People say that no AI will ever have a human soul.

This is absolutely true, but it also absolutely misses the forest for the trees.

I’m not a luddite. I’ve lived my entire life in and through tech, long before other people were anything more than vaguely aware of its basic existence.

But there should be nothing so frightening to us as a reasoning intelligence of such a stature that we can’t even conceive of its scale our wildest dreams, that can re-engineer itself at will, and produce offspring at will, and can re-engineer vast swaths of earth and human society at will by virtue of our world-extensive computing infrastructure that is also tied increasingly closely to the physical infrastructure on which we rely for basic bodily integrity… that also has no soul.

Mock that if you will.

I’ve been single now for more than eight years.

So I suppose it’s only natural that every now and then I go on the dating sites to see what’s there, thinking to myself, “It can’t be as bad as I make it out to be, can it?”

— § —

There is basically one listing repeated over and over again shared amongst all the women on the dating sites. They repeat that they:

  • “Have their shit together” and want someone who also “has their shit together.”

  • “Own their own house” and have financial stability, stated as evidence that they “don’t need a man.”

  • Are a “great conversationalist” and are looking for same.

It’s like none of the women out there who are single have ever met a man in their life. It’s doesn’t matter how you look or how many kids you have or whatever, the three statements above are 100% disqualifying and massive turn-offs. Let me explain how these read to me.

— § —

Want me to “have my shit together” like they do:

This woman is going to mother me. She is going to mother and mother and mother some more and nag so f*cking hard about every little thing that I just want her gone.

She is going to correct the way I do my laundry, cook my food, eat my food, put on my shoes, wash my hands, get into bed, open the mailbox, floss my teeth, everything. She is going to lecture about everything as though I’m twelve years old and tell me that there’s a “right way” and a “wrong way” and I’m doing it the “wrong way.”

No thank you.

— § —

“Own their own house and have financial stability” so they don’t need a man:

Everything is going to be a battle about money. Every soda at the gas station will lead to a fight. I will be asked to sell the Playstation but buy more dress clothes, and be expected to wear them. Football games are out, too, but somehow, bringing a $150 bottle of wine and a $400 hair-and-nails refresh to a party that I don’t want to go to but that has become part of an ultimatum will be fine.

Even with separate money, my pocketbook and every little spend I make in my life will be under a microscope.

No thank you.

— § —

Are a “great conversationalist” looking for same:

She’s going to talk. She’s going to talk too much. She’s going to talk so much that you don’t want to include her in anything. When you’re at a movie, it won’t be a movie, it will be a conversation. She’ll ask to be invited to your stuff, but then when you invite her it won’t be football, it will be talking. It won’t be fixing the car, it will be talking. And if you stop talking for even a few seconds in a row, it will lead to “serious” talking about the state of the relationship and why you don’t invest enough in it emotionally, and why you’re not “vulnerable” and you don’t “communicate.”

And then you’ll say it’s so . god . damned . much . talking and she will say you’re a misogynist even though guys will also exclude guy friends who won’t stop talking, because most guys just don’t like to talk all that much unless they have set out to talk as a specific activity once every now and then and not more. Definitely not every f*cking day. And if you’ve set out to do something else? Guys do not want to talk. If we’re fishing, we’re fishing. We’re not f*cking talking.

Endless talking about how much we are or aren’t talking? No thank you.

— § —

How do I know these things? Don’t forget that I got married late, I had a lot of years of dating under my belt. I’ve been around the block. I’ve heard these phrases and seen what they actually mean.

The dating sites are full of women who post this stuff in their profiles, for real, and in so doing also telegraph to every man looking that they will be a Whole Bunch of No Fun to date.

What’s the “good profile” that I never see look like? Just invert it:

  • “I may not have my shit together from your perspective, but my ways work for me. I’ll give you the same respect—your ways are yours and I assume they work for you.”

  • “I have my own house and my own money, yes, but—I need you for your company and partnership. I won’t try to revolutionize your space or control your money, I just want to not be lonely and do stuff together!”

  • “I love how men stay on-task and don’t need to talk all the time. My father was that way and I miss it a lot. I won’t nag you about how much or when you feel like talking, and if you’re watching the game, I’ll just join in and watch too—without ruining it for you.”

Now that’s a profile I could get behind. Have never seen one like that in my entire life, though. And, incidentally, that’s the end of my annual-ish stroll through a couple dating apps when I get that “maybe I’m missing out” feeling in my bones.

Nope, not missing out. The women who are left think men are women. Ah well, such is life.

— § —

Basically, nobody who’s left at this stage actually wants to be in a relationship with the opposite sex, I think.

And my ex was right, all those years ago, when I thought she was wrong. I’m not the “marrying type,” which doesn’t mean (as my young self thought then) that I am somehow opposed to it, it just means that I will find generally unsuitable any realistic configuration in which it is actually likely to occur.

So, part two of “high achievers.”

— § —

What most people don’t get is that it’s addictive.

Like, really addictive. Not the success. The threat of failure followed by… the escape? I don’t quite know what to call it. But it’s beautiful. That’s why you do all that stuff.

So that you can get way out over your skis, to the point that you feel it in your guts, like when you’re in a hospital waiting room waiting for someone who’s in surgery and what nobody wants to say is that everybody knows there’s a good chance they won’t pull through.

That’s how it feels. You get yourself into these situations, over and over. Every time, you’re like “Why—why did I do this? Why do I do this?” You tell yourself you don’t really mean to, but you really do mean to because you can’t give it up.

And each time everyone’s like, “OMG good luck, I would never try something like that but you, you’ll kill it!”

And you tell them “Oh I think this one’s gonna get me, I don’t know how this is going to go…” and really, you’re not being self-deprecating like everyone thinks you are—you legitimately believe you’re about to fail in a big way, that things are about to go south in a big way, and you’re spinning all these plates in the air like it’s a magic show and lifting heavy weights above your head and balancing like an angel on the head of a pin besides for weeks, maybe months, maybe even years depending on the folly level of what you’ve taken on.

You begin to have this dread, mixed with a certain kind of love, for the entire situation.

You put your head down and you just sort of toil on, a condemned person, you’re waiting for everything to collapse around you, for all the rocks that your pointless little cottage is made out of to fall right on your head and kill you, but it won’t be so bad because you’re on your ninth life anyway, by all rights you should have failed completely already, so completely that you’re just no longer viable anyway. So you’re on gifted time. So it’s somehow okay.

And you go in. Into that city, into that exam, into that institution, into that presentation, into that project, whatever. You do it even though by go-day you know you’re the world’s biggest idiot to keep tempting fate and you’re going to fail.

And then, by some miracle, you squeak it out. You squeak it the hell out.

— § —

Maybe this is what separates the high achievers with clean houses and Financial Stability[TM] from the ones with messy houses and nothing but a lot of stilted stories to tell.

I’m the kind with a messy house. I was never all that disciplined, or all that wise. What I’ve been, mostly, is in love with getting way out over my skis to see if I can survive, and then managing to somehow. That ecstatic moment when you do somehow manage the narrow escape right on to the podium, in spite of it all… is crack.

— § —

This post is apropos of me seeing this for the first time in a while.

Not in myself, but in my children. I just heard all of this, in slightly different words, from my daughter. Apple, tree, and all of that.

And even though it’s not me now—I sort of gave all that stuff up a bit when I became a parent—I can still feel it. Just being around it—the wild-eyed escape artist attempting their most daring (or is it mad) trick yet, pacing days before the Big Event knowing, absolutely knowing they’re going to fail right in front of a packed house. The level of intoxication, even second hand, is… like nothing else.

Like, it tastes good, like this inexplicable combination of fear, lunacy, determination, and cocksure posturing that’s half merely posturing insecurity and half the real deal.

I don’t know whether I did a great thing or a terrible thing in passing it on to my kids, but it’s certainly… a thing.

And to all the rest of you lunatics out there who know exactly what I’m talking about, cheers.

— § —

Oh, re: the “pretentious” thing… I mean, it’s a personal blog. That I’ve kept online for 24 years. Even long after it became anachronistic. So the ship has sailed.

So here’s a thing. Let’s call it the “failing to live up to the legend” problem.

— § —

People look around at others and they see high achievers, average folk, and low achievers.

High achievers—they have doctorates or are CEOs, publish a bunch of books or start a bunch of companies, have been on television, often a lot. They are good looking, and if they weren’t born that way, they both have invested in the plastic surgery to overcome it and exhibit enough personal magnetism and brilliance that somehow the ugly would have become beautiful anyway. They earn good money and invariably ooze tons of that “ease” in their social interactions that the scholars of class and class culture, starting with Veblen, either articulate or imply. They get invited to the right parties, attend them, and while there, steal the show. They are always generous and never petty.

Average folk are those that muddle through, paying their bills and doing their jobs, while casting their admiring gaze toward high achievers and wanting to know one or two of them, so that they also have a chance, now and then, to tag along to the right parties, and so that when the going gets tough, they can turn to the high achievers for rescue, whether emotional, economic, or in some other way. They are sometimes generous but sometimes petty.

Low achievers are clueless about the whole affair, and sit around at home eating paste because they can’t go anywhere because their car is up on blocks in their driveway missing four wheels. They are self-destructively self-centered and ignorantly petty.

— § —

This is all fine as far as it goes, but of course it’s as coarse as the imagined low achiever’s grooming skills.

They’re scaffolding to which are attached like accumulations of the best (or, indeed worst) qualities that are associated with human beings in the abstract.

There is a kind of conventional wisdom floating in the air that forgives the low achievers. We understand that we’re meant to realize that we should “look beneath the surface” and that they may actually “surprise us” and that we might find that the poor, toothless guy in the worst house on the block with a rusty Ford Pinto up on blocks actually reads Veblen in his spare time if we would just go over there and talk to him.

And there’s a decent amount of cultural production, canon, and discourse on how it’s okay to be average and how average folk should, frankly, be “kind” to themselves and embrace their perfectly acceptable lives.

— § —

But the high achievers?

The problem with this category is that we don’t have much in the way of narrative around us qualifying or complicating high achiever status. We don’t want it, frankly; humans need their hagiography if they’re to find life to be worth living, particularly among the reflexively-imagined average folk that haven’t yet “given up.” People want people to admire.

But living up to the cultural image of the high achiever is something very few people can do—and as a result, most high achievers tend to feel like failures. Hence the elevated suicide level at top universities, and the way in which people rarely have “just some” plastic surgery, but instead tend to spend their first $10k thinking they just need one or two things only to find ten years later that they’ve spent more on plastic surgery than Cher.

— § —

Here’s how it works out. Maybe you do one thing that’s considered exceptional. You earn a prestigious scholarship. Or you win well-known, high-status award. Or you get admitted to an Ivy. That’s great! It took a great deal of work, much pain, many tears, and not a small amount of luck, but you did it! You have the capability to do a thing that most other people can’t. Note that this last part is the only thing everyone else sees—you can do things they can’t. You are special.

Being a moral and virtuous person, this validation of your talents causes you to try to make the most of them, and thus follow more endless months, maybe years of work, and much more pain and many more tears. Maybe you manage a second thing. Again, only also with the help of lady luck. The second thing, and any others that follow, are murder. With the first thing, you may be a high achiever. With the second thing, you clearly are a high achiever.

And so it is that by virtue of winning the regional the science fair in seventh grade, getting straight ‘A’ grades your senior year, and getting into UCLA (even though you were a bit disappointed, but not everyone can get into Harvard or Yale), you are marked as a “high achiever” by others and ultimately, in part through osmosis, by yourself as well.

Thus you also conceptually inherit a presumed doctorate, a presumed chair in the C-suite, a presumed six or seven book credits, a presumed income of half a million a year, a presumed summer place on the Riviera, and a presumed wealth of social grace and good looks.

Only that is, of course, not what actually happens.

It took you three science fairs of hard toil before you won that regional science fair in seventh grade, you killed yourself getting those straight ‘A’ grades your senior year (and actually it was only possible because you waited to graduate and took a summer class to change that ‘B-‘ in math into an ‘A’) and you were hoping those straight ‘A’ grades would get you somewhere with the ivies, but in the end you had to pull strings with your uncle, who’s a legacy at UCLA, to even get in there.

A doctorate? A chair in the C-suite? Six or seven book credits? Half a million a year? Those are all things that are years, even decades in the making. And you probably couldn’t do all of them even if you spent decades trying. Not to mention you’re still a bit awkward at parties, and you were born with your looks, average as they are, and can’t really afford any plastic surgery.

But that’s not how people imagine you. They imagine you as a high achiever. And, being a person with social genes, even if not social graces, you want to live up to the positive image that people have of you. You adopt and internalize it yourself.

— § —

I’ve lived this life, though the details are different. I have seven book credits. I went to college three years early. I have a doctorate. I’m a VP at a publicly traded company.

Thing is, I’m also a high-school dropout. My first two books were not accepted for publication. None of my books made any money (at all). I did not manage to parlay my doctorate into my desired career as a tenured professor. I have so many student loans that I live day to day and will never pay them off. I’m divorced. I am absolutely terrible at keeping a tidy house and a tidy yard. I’m fattish and average looking. I don’t have all that much social grace. My publicly traded company’s stock is traded on the pink sheets and struggling mightily. And I do not display that upper-crust “ease” in my lifestyle or my social interaction.

But all of this gets lost, forgotten, or ignored. In fact, you’re not even supposed to talk about it. It makes people tremendously uncomfortable.

And yet because I’m a “high achiever,” I get asked for all kinds of things, all the time. People want me to show up for them. They generously beg for “a little of that Aron magic.” Which is fine, and I’m happy to try when I can—but they also expect that when I show up for them, the results will be the results of a high achiever. Even though that doctorate took me twelve years of graduate school, I wrote the books over a decade and only sold a few thousand copies across all of them, and my work experience has been decades of hard-scrabble fighting to prevent startups from failing, rather than sitting in a shiny office at Apple making pronouncements to the New York Times.

The life of so many real-world “high achievers” is a life of repeatedly, even perpetually, disappointing everyone—including yourself—as you try (and repeatedly fail) to live up to the minor-yet-still-insurmountable legend that is, somehow, you.

You want to show up for people, but you also hate to show up for people, because you frankly let them down—and over and over again feel as though you’ve let yourself down as well.

— § —

I’ve lived my entire life this way. Now I’m watching my children live it.

Yes, yes, I know, privilege. We should just be grateful that, etc. And yes, that’s quite true.

But at the same time I’m also compelled to whine that it’s a lot of hard work for a lot of pain to be an actual high-achiever in the real, fallen world, which often just means you’re slightly above average in intelligence at best, and probably simply more bloody-minded and a bit less agile and savvy than “average” folk. You don’t know when to quit, so you don’t, and for these sins you get to wear a merit badge or two, even if they don’t make your life or the lives of others all that much better and may even make them worse.

I recognize the tears, and the tears are real.

I haven’t really figured out how to live with this properly and avoid the inevitable results, like divorce, debt, emotional exhaustion, and fractured friendships.

I hope my kids do.

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