Long-term, there are still two things that trump all. 1) Write. 2) Ph.D. = Teach.

So long as those are still possible, all other things are doable.

The city has changed a lot, lots of my old places are gone, or different. My friends have all left town — the few friends that I had to begin with. I’m here with my family, but they’re all pretty busy and I can’t start to feel too at home anyway, because I’m too old to hang around with them much. I don’t have a job, and even when I did, I didn’t feel at home there, but now I don’t, so that distinction doesn’t matter much. I don’t have much money, if any, most of my bills are behind and I don’t have an income — so it’s not like I can travel or shop or take classes or anything. My girlfriend is in this town but she’s not happy here and I’m not sure I can make her happy, I seem to mostly make her feel trapped. I’m not enrolled in school. I don’t have a regular hangout. I don’t have a home. I don’t have money. I don’t have nearby friends. I don’t have many friends in general. I don’t have an “adult” nuclear family of my own.

I have, as it turns out, almost nothing at all. I am very lonely. All I have right now is a beagle licking my palm. But she’s not even mine and at some point I’ll have to leave her behind, so I can’t rely on her too much.