Too many bad dreams. Too many dreams that could too easily be real. 🙁

I’ve got to get my life straightened out, I can’t keep on like this.

“I’ve been let down
And I still comin’ round
I’ve been put down
And I’m still comin’ round for you
Comin’ round for you

Take away everything that feels fine
Catch a shape in the circles of my mind
Make me feel like I belong to you
Make me feel even if it ain’t true

Catch a train on a silver afternoon
A thousand miles and I’m getting there too soon
Take me there when I should be going home
Tell me why I’m still feelin’ all alone

I’ve been let down
And I’m still coming round
I’ve been put down
And I’m still comin’ round for you
Comin’ round for you”

i am trying so hard to just give up
but it is so hard

Everything sucks. I want out of this. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. This is my blog and I’ll say what I want. Why do I feel like a five year old right now? I can’t help how I feel about PETA anymore. I don’t want to do my job anymore. I don’t want to deal with any of this shit anymore. I am nothing but a huge ball of regrets and loneliness.

People claim to care about me but by and large they are either in the process of letting me down or have let me down in the past anyway, so I don’t feel anything from them when they say it, it just makes me smirk.

Life right now is full of these horrible, vicious ironies that seem lost on everyone but me. It’s like they were designed and implemented just to drive me to jump. And everyone tells me I am imagining things. And that makes me feel even better. I am tired of hurting.

meh