T H E N E W Y E A R W I T H S O U T H E R N C O M F O R T A N D T H E J E S U S A N D M A R Y C H A I N A N D Y O U R O W N I N S E C U R I T I E S + H A P P I N E S S + M I S E R Y Y E A H !

Five minutes to nine and the snow is beginning to come down. It’s going to be a strange year.

This year:

– Masters degree and University of Chicago
– Fifth successful book, first unsuccessful book
– Most serious girlfriend in years
– Decision: Ph.D. and tenure as my future
– Chicago, Salt Lake City, Portland, Santa Barbara
– Overall character = strange
– First year during which I feel completely estranged from pre-’20s life

Next year:

– 30 years old is “pending”
– No academic plans until applications in fall
– Expected ripples and shifts in identity
– ???

Things are hitting me hard this season. It’s time for serious reflection. SoCo, here I come.

So many people in my life fail to understand that just as they are free (and should be) to do what they like, so I am also free (and should be) to do what I like in response. Thus, if they want to have me around, or if they want my favors, they pragmatically have to consider my feelings about the things that they do and the things that they say, even to other people, because I am free to go once I am displeased, no matter what in particular it is that displeases me, just as they are free to hurt or offend me, whether directly or indirectly.

When I say, “If you do that, I’ll be upset and may not talk to you again,” that’s not me trying to control them, that’s me exercising the same freedom of will that they exercise by doing it in the first place. We are both equally free, or equally unfree.

In short, no-one is the center of everyone else’s universe. They fail to understand that “Why can’t you let me do what I want?” can quickly be followed up with “You have indeed done what you want… and now I am doing what I want.”

It’s something that every kid has to learn at some point. Life is rough, and nobody is at the center of it.