What a fucking waste of time all of this is. Hello?! The moments of my life are ticking away and I am sitting here typing up a lot of prognostication about utter shite that nobody in the world really gives a flying fuck about. Papers? Papers?! Theses?!?!! Bah! Fucking waste of time.

All this waking time at work, and virtually none of it spent with friends, family, or anyone else we care about. Fuck the Adam Smith lifestyle and the rationalization of labor. Fuck it hard. Fuck capitalism and fuck state capitalism, too. There is an endless world out there and a limited amount of time. I will die someday soon and will have wasted most of my life as a curator and collector of exchange value.

I would give anything right now to be sitting on the beach with a twenty-four pack of cold stout playing card games or flying a kite or reading Proust. I would kill for the chance. I would kill to be driving up or down Highway 101 again. Life is short and could end at any moment and yet we spend all of our time doing what we know very well we would not be doing if this was our last week to live.

Take a moment and think about it: all of the times in your life, all of the memories that mattered to you… really mattered, really stuck with you as “the best times of my life?” How many are there? Ten? Fifteen? Maybe even less? And how many days have you been at work? How many hours have you spent making fast food or driving a truck or typing shit on a PC keyboard, waiting to go to your home and recover from it all? You can’t even count them.

Industrialized nations: YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIVES. You have been programmed almost from birth to climb the ladder of consumption/labor-alienation, and you are doing it very well, even though at some point every one of you inevitably realizes that you’ve been had by a few people at the top of the ladder who don’t live at all the way that you’re living, even though they’re happy to encourage you to continue.

I think it is time for me to tune in, turn on, and drop out.

I am a fucking rotten social animal.

Heh…

Oh well.

On a sunny Sunday in Hyde Park, people are everywhere. Gardening, walking their kids+dogs, shopping, delivering, dancing, playing, yeah. I gotta get me some cash and some normalness so that I can join in and express my being, unalienated, all that. Or, to use UofC parlance, “and all the rest.”

Learning to trust people and to trust the situation, that’s what it’s all about. No matter how many times you get got, it’s better to be open to it. “Don’t you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder?”

I’m gonna open up the image shop again, maybe play it a little harder and little more upscale this time. We’ll see if I can’t roll some $$$ to top off my summer project. I wanna switch systems, this Canon stuff doesn’t have the dynamic range I need. Frankly, I suck with it. The Olympus E systems and the Fuji S-Pro systems have about 2-3 times the dynamic range that the Canon gear does. I get better resolution with the gear I’ve got now, but I’m just not getting good with it, I get a whole hell of a lot more rejects.

Scooter+Jinx now.

—

And I pointed to sky:

See the clouds?
See them follow?
All off-white and thick with the rainstorms of spring?
They cover our peaks and green valleys below them
in a mist that hangs heavy on the warm hills between —
on these days when the singing is louder than midsummer
on these days when all birds fly in spite of their wings.

—

Strange when you read things you wrote about old relationships, and you can’t remember who you were writing about, who you were dating anywhere near that time.