I thought it would be a gradual thing. It happens when you’re not looking, all at once.
I’m first, because the kids have their jobs, friends, and school in my neck of the woods, rather than their mom’s neighborhood 35 miles away.
I used to see them most of the time, most days when they were here. Then, one day, they were just gone. Now I see them maybe 15-30 minutes a week, even though half the time they’re still technically “here”.
I don’t think it’s too early to call myself an empty nester.
And now I have to figure out what comes next, because it’s pretty clear right away that this is no way to live, just me, myself, I, and a whole pile of work that neither I nor anyone else really cares all that much about.
Question is, what exactly is the alternative?
I can’t imagine any significant other putting up with me, and I can’t imagine putting up with any significant other.
— § —
Everything changed this year. Not just kids, but job, finances, health.
I’ve been through “next phase of life” changes before. I’m old enough to have been through several. But with all the others, you knew they were coming, and then they happened more slowly. Even if there was an official inflection point, like graduating, or a child being born, between prep time and liminal time, there was space to sort of adjust.
This has been “change everything in your life this year” and then “also, though they’re here and will always be here, as of Tuesday next, you’re kids are grown up and you’ll stop seeing them from now on until you’re retired and needing eldercare.”
I wasn’t ready for 2026. Still not ready.