A live recording of Nina Hagen performing So Bad while shooting the crowd with a super soaker. It’s maybe my 10th Nina Hagen video of the night, for no particular reason. But it makes me think of an ex-girlfriend who also loved Nina Hagen and Einstuerzende Neubauten and had a powerful mind and a sideways interest in theology.
If you go out into the world and you meet someone that lines up with you on all of those counts, you think immediately that this couple should be together and it was destined by fate and if they get together, especially for several years, it can’t possibly end because where would these people ever find another weird alignment like that, but really in the end everyone hated everyone and she tried to kill herself.
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Several points later is the sheer number of ex-girlfriends who tried to kill themselves when I broke up with them. I don’t know if this is normal or not. It’s been a long time since this happened, but at some level I am bothered by the fact that I sent people to hospitals.
You would think this is about guilt, but it’s more the kind of feeling that you have when you’re expecting an earthquake or you’re aware of an an aneurysm. It’s like a surreal, somehow haunting fact that exists in your universe and also a kind of threat that hangs over everything thickly.
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Everyone has potential. Some people even have a lot of it.
But potential is no damned good unless you are free. There are a lot of people that are free. I have known a few of them myself, very impressive, very beautiful. They bring tears to your eyes.
Some of us have put ourselves in prison and are busy destroying ourselves. I used to have a shirt that said “Destroy Yourself” and I thought it was about drugs or something like that but in fact it was far more fundamental.
I am going to try to have freedom, maybe. But not today.
Also, QED.
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I started this in 1999 and was way out in front of a curve. Now this is old fashioned.
I keep thinking I should start a YouTube channel but I don’t know if I have the bravery and balls that I once did. But maybe I should, I don’t know.