Things are getting so bad that every time I come back to this site to post, it’s down for one reason or another. And I wonder how long it’s been down, because I don’t actually sit around and read my website day after day.
There’s no one particular reason that it goes down, but rather a bunch of reasons that can all be filed under bad actors have made things dumb and businesses don’t care about you.
In this case, SSL went offline because my host decommissioned some nameservers that they inherited when they acquired my former host. But it’s dumber thank you think because I’d already updated to the new, post-acquisition nameservers. But in their scripting for the change, everyone who came in under the acquisition apparently got their nameservers switched back to the decmomissioned servers, rather than changed to the new servers, because the world doesn’t make any sense. And of course all this SSL stuff is only needed because people suck and that’s human nature.
Yes, it was all solved with 10 minutes on live chat and then a few hours waiting for record changes to propagate, but the thing is, this is basically an “every time I touch my site” occurance. Hosts changing configurations, getting acquired, policies changing, plugins that self-updated but have breaking changes that impose new restrictions due to security best practices that effectively take the site offline… It’s starting to feel as though it’s implausible even to run a fully hosted site these days without a full-time IT staff.
— § —
I don’t like what’s going on in the country at all right now, and I’m frankly alarmed. Everyone thought “I will be your retribution” was basically rhetoric and they also thought “we’ve already done this once before and we survived it” so it’s been more than a bit of a surprise to learn that “oh, he actually meant, like, retribution in the sense of making people suffer” and also to learn that “oh, this is going to be absolutely nothing like the first time and many may not survive it.”
There are a lot of people that are even more in the cross-hairs than I and my ex-wife, but as targeting goes, we’re both far closer to targets than not-targets, each in our own way and in each case for a decent number of reasons.
This American Cultural Revolution is just getting off the ground. It gives me no pleasure and a good amount of fear to wonder what it will bring. I know I’ll suffer, as will many others. But I don’t know how much, or in just what way. That not-knowing is fairly intolerable.
— § —
I’m also lonely. Like, increasingly lonely.
Thing is, I don’t know exactly what the remedy is, since spending time with people, which I actually do an awful lot of, doesn’t fix it.
I am missing that person-that-has-been-my-significant-other-for-decades-now, but I’ve never have that person and will never had or known that person, and it sucks. Someone that I share inside jokes with. Someone that I trust implicitly and can talk to about anything, and more to the point, that already knows all the things I say in preface and can say “I already know everything that you’re about to say for the next hour because you’ve said it before, so let’s cut to the chase—what’s really on your mind?”
I actually don’t know whether to feel lucky that I’ve had many multi-year relationships, or to feel unlucky because I’ve never had a happy relationship that I wanted to stay in rather than harsh relationships full, in the end, of mutual contempt.
It’s sort of like I don’t know whether to feel lucky for being allowed to live the kind of life that the retribution class currently wants to get retribution for having missed out on, or to feel unlucky because I’m about to get retributed.
— § —
In a week, I’ll be in the ring fighting in a tournament. Part of me thinks I’ll get killed. Part of me thinks I’ll just get knocked out. Part of me thinks it’ll just be tiring. Part of me wants to kill. (This part won’t matter, as I’m not actually all that capable of killing, even as someone who’s been practicing martial arts for years now.)
— § —
Like I said, humans suck.
And—2025 already sucks and is going to start to really, really suck before all is said and done. Maybe to a very, very uncomfortable degree.